All By Yourself?

“…I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” Matthew 28:20

I mentioned to my girlfriend from church some things I was planning, some things that I had done.  Shocked, she responded, “All by yourself?”

During my recent hometown Thanksgiving visit, I ran into my best childhood girlfriend at Kroger.  In catching up, she asked  where my children lived, where I lived.  When I shared our different states of residence she incredulously replied, “You are there all by yourself?

I am compromised and challenged with autoimmune illnesses, brittle diabetes and Stiff Person Syndrome–so the enormity of “by myself.”  I always thought I was trusting God to care for me, but my faith was entrusted more in those around me.  When my faith in people proved to be temporary, undependable, or a desperate security, I had to look deep within myself questioning how sincere was my trust in God.   Did I really trust Him completely?

Trusting in people more than God created problems in my life: isolation, dysfunctional dependency, depression.   I claimed His promise, “I am with you always,” and moved into my first home “all by myself.”  Completely alone, I spent a year of emotional introspection, fear, and experienced a few episodes of full-body spasm on the floor with only one name to call out, “Jesus.”

I was not alone.  In that year I developed a new closeness in my personal relationship with God that continues to grow with daily blessings and lessons.  He is healing my broken life with wisdom, forgiveness, and dreams for my future.  In moments of public symptom struggles, He has always provided an angel to help me in my need.  I am allowing God to put the right people in my life according to His will, not my choices clouded by fear or insecurity.

“All by myself?” I am never alone.  The Lord is with me always…”to the end of the world.”

Lord, I thank you for your love, comfort, and strength; for always being with me.”

Copyright © 2011

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~ by Debbie Richardson on December 21, 2011.

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