Lost in Lo Debar

Lo-Debar (pastureless)

Lo-Debar (pastureless)

2 Samuel 9 (NIV)

3 The king asked, “Is there no one still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?”

Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in both feet.”

4 “Where is he?” the king asked.

Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.”

5 So King David had him brought from Lo Debar…

13 And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table, and he was crippled in both feet.

Lo Debar, a pastureless land, not able to sustain life — desolation, decay, death.  David’s beloved friend, Jonathon, had a crippled son, lost and hiding in Lo Debar.  Crippled, life had not been kind to Mephibosheth, isolated in exile.

My years in an emotional Lo Debar — despair, desperation, defeated, detached, emotionally dead.  I had my share of trials in life, buried a child.   All my trials had an end, a chance for resolution where I could go to God, find comfort, and heal.  Disabled for life was different.  It became my way of living every single day.  The only end was to die.

Initially, I primarily dealt with the physical issues, pain, lack of mobility, praying for release.  With time, medication helped with the physical symptoms, but I was left with the emotional fallout.  I lost me.  Years of coping had become a slow death of who I used to be and could do; my current abilities rationed for the day, the loss of my envisioned future.

I rallied for those I loved — a brave front, living just to please.  With the demands of each day, my sense of self eroded — my worth, guilt over being “broken,”  daily grief over losing the ‘normal’ me.   I sank into a dark void of apathetic nothing.  Functioning on autopilot, my spirit was dying.  I seriously considered suicide.  While my lips whispered detached prayer, my spirit cried out to God.

Luke 15:4 (NKJV)

4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?

King David brought Mephibosheth out of the desolation of Lo Debar to live in his palace and eat at his table.  Jesus, The Good Shepherd, found me entangled in the barren brush of my Lo Debar.  Carrying my parched spirit to “My Healing Place,” we spent two years together, just the Lord and me.  I sobbed years of pain and loss while I felt His Spirit hold me, healing my broken life.

I have worth.  Jesus died to save me, Debbie.  There is beauty in imperfection because I am the Lord’s creation.  I am His.

Isaiah 43:1 (NKJV)

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.

“Dear Lord, This life is very hard at times but you are always with me and understand.  Please forgive me when I lose sight of that.  Thank you for seeing my pain, for carrying my spirit when I was too defeated to face another day.  You have shown me I have worth, a purpose and I am never alone.  I love you for seeing the beauty in me, for dying for me, for the healing from and lessons of Lo Debar.  Thank you for the blessings of your table.” Amen

Copyright © 2013

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~ by Debbie Richardson on February 7, 2013.

One Response to “Lost in Lo Debar”

  1. Loved this deep, emotion filled, song of your soul. You bear it in away that it is spiritual poetry. Thank You, BP

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